Movie Review - Silence

Yes...another movie review. Weekend goes by with at least one or two movies. I would normally not watch Silence, it seems a little too serious to me, but I am glad I watched it. It was a slow but engaging movie. With a great actor, Liam Neeson, although in a small but key role, but the major kudos go to Andrew Garfield.

The movie is set in 17th century Japan when Jesuits traveled with trading ships to proselytize the Japanese. The traders were Dutch, Portuguese and Spanish...maybe more. But this story is about the Portuguese Jesuit priests. Liam Neeson (Father Farreira) had gone to Japan and not returned, gone silent. Two young priests, Garfield (Rodriguez) and Driver (Garupe) take it upon themselves to go and look for him. They both land on an island where they luckily run into some converts who hide and protect them. In those times the Japanese Inoue (ruler?) was ruthless in his prevention of these conversions. The Christians practiced their faith, baptism, confessions etc, in hiding.

The locals (farmers/peasants) were very happy to have the two young priests. The first third of the movie is where the young priests are getting used to being hidden and performing their duties. Rodriguez still wants to go and find Farreira, but their circumstances do not allow it. Then the story takes a turn by the arrival a peasant (K) who offers to take them to another island. They go with him. Apparently priests have a bounty on their head! K takes them along with three other devout who offer themselves up so the two priest can escape and hide on the island.

There is an elaborate scene on how these devout are sacrificed. They are asked to step on a carving of Jesus to renounce their faith. They refuse. So they are tied to a cross and left in the ocean to die. It is a powerful scene. And after they die, they are cremated.  Rodriguez and Garupe watch all this in horror. They decide to separate so they are not caught together.

Now the real story starts. Rodriguez meets up with some other devout, but is eventually caught by the Inoue and taken as a prisoner with all the other devout.

I could write the whole story but the takeaway is that Rodriguez's faith is tested over and over again. He sometimes sees himself as Jesus, the saviour of all the peasants. Then sometimes he does not think God is listening to him. He keeps feeling if there is a God he will prevent all these killings that Inoue is doing to wipe out Christians. At one time he is taken to a place and shown Garupe dying while trying to save some of the converts. Something that Rodriguez has not been able to do.  This whole time all that the Inoue is asking him to do is step on a carving of Jesus, that's it. And he will stop killing the Christians. But Rodriguez is unable to do this. The Inoue keeps killing the converts. Rodriguez feels guilty but cannot bring himself to step on Jesus's carving.

And then the final straw comes when he is taken to meet a monk, Father Farreira! By this time Farreira has renounced Christianity and has become a Buddhist monk. He advises Rodriguez to do the same. But Rodriguez is still defiant. But in the end he gives up - how? He sees what caused Father Farreira to change. Five people tied up and hung upside down in a pit. On their neck is a small slit that lets blood drip slowly out of their body. It delays death ... just torturous!!  Farreira explains to Rodriguez that love of God is to love the people and not cause them to die like this. At all times Rodriguez is asking the Inoue to punish him - Rodriguez, but the Inoue instead tortures his converts. A great dialogue is when Inoue says to Rodriguez, "Your glory comes at their sacrifice".

It's really powerful movie. It is based on a book which is based on facts. It really touched me for two reasons: first - I don't believe in conversion. I don't believe any person has the right to convert anyone's religion. It is a personal choice. And second - I believe that love is the answer to all world's problems. The most basic message should be to show love, respect and kindness to everyone. If one can do that then I think one does not need religion in their life.

Movie Review - Aftermath

I am not a big fan of Arnold Schwarzenegger but Aftermath seemed like a different kind of movie. And it was. It started off really well, tragic, but well.  A plane accident kills Arnold's wife and daughter (who was pregnant). The accident was just that - an accident. The cause was a result of communication error in the flight traffic control room. It resulted in more than 270 people dying in the plane crash.

The movie is about Arnold (Roman) and Scoot McNairy (Jake), two men on two different sides of this story but dealing with immense tragedies: Roman dealing with the loss of the only two people he loved and Jake dealing with the guilt of accidentally killing 270 people. Jake is a happily married man with a young son, but everything in his life becomes meaningless after this incident. He goes into depression. Roman starts spending too much time in the cemetery.

The story takes interesting turns on how these two men are trying to cope with their grief. Eventually after one year both are sort of getting settled in new roles. Jake changes his life, his name and gets a new job in a new city. Roman quits his job and does odd jobs. Roman sues the airlines asking them only for an apology, which he never gets from them or anyone.

Their paths never collide until Roman asks a reporter, who had previously contacted Roman for a story, to find out about the identity of the air traffic controller. Until now the story was going fine for me, but after this incident the story took a bad turn.  They could have made the movie in such a different way. If you plan to see the movie, don't read anymore.

The reporter told Roman the identity of Jake and his home address.  Roman goes there to ask Jake for an apology.  At the same time, Jake is rebuilding his life and finally his wife and son come to see him in his new place. And then Roman barges in all this wanting an apology. Jake tells him to go but Roman doesn't and in his distress he kills Jake with a knife. Jake's wife and son are inside and it is just a shocking event. Roman goes to jail, comes out after ten years and goes straight to the cemetery. He is followed by a young man. Yes, you guessed right, Jake's son, now all grown up. Roman says nothing has changed in the cemetery but Jake's son says everything has changed since his father died. Then it clicks in Roman's mind who this young man is. The son has a gun and wants to kill Roman, but his conscious does not allow it. Roman apologizes to him and when the son asks him to go, he goes away.

My problem with the whole movie is how alone everyone is in this movie. Roman is alone in his grief. No one from his work comes to see him. He has no friends. Jake is lucky to have a wife, but she fails to empathize with him and support him. She does not divorce him and in the end is still waiting to be with Jake, but she was not as compassionate or supportive when he needed it most. Towards the end when Roman finds Jake's location and he goes, he is so focused on his own grief that he does not even want to listen to Jake. There was no need to kill Jake. Jake did not deliberately kill anyone or his wife and daughter. But it seems that no one is willing to listen or talk to each other.

Then there is the reporter - why did she give Jake's address to Roman without being present there herself to facilitate the meeting? So unethical. Lastly, the airlines people, who show no sympathy for the family of the passengers. They just offer money as if that compensates for the loss.

All in all, I don't know why the writer, Javier Gullon, wrote this movie which shows the worst of all human behaviour. The movie could have been made into such a positive one with love, sympathy and empathy. Why make such a depressing movie into an even more depressing movie?

Movie Review - Remember

Watched the movie "Remember" today.  Christopher Plummer and Martin Landau.  I had an idea of what it was about - a Jew survivor searching to kill a Nazi for a friend.

It was a great movie.  I knew it would be a little slow and mindful.  Christopher Plummer is not really a young actor anymore.  The movie starts with Martin sending off Christopher on a hunt for a Nazi soldier from Auschwitz.  What I did not realize before was that Christopher Plummer's character, Zev, has dementia, so he tends to forget all the time. So he keeps reading the letter Martin's character, Max, gave him, to revive his memory.

There were so many things that were good and some that bothered me during this movie.  When Zev goes to buy a gun, the seller just sells him the gun, fully knowing that Zev will not remember how to shoot the gun. Why? And this is where I have problem with gun violence in America.

The good part was that everyone shown was so helpful to Zev.  They realize he is old so they help him get his room, taxi etc.  This is the America I really like - I have always found Americans to be very helpful people.

The movie goes on as Zev is searching through four people who might be this Nazi.  His journey is interesting.  I did not have to use my remote to forward any part of the movie. I will not tell the ending as it is very interesting.

The other part that got me was what Zev's son went through. Zev left the nursing home without telling anyone and his son was so worried about him, looking everywhere, especially knowing that his father has dementia.  And all I could think of was my own parents.  I am so lucky to have parents who have all their mental faculties. I could feel the son's pain, because just for one day I had to find my parents. I knew their general location so I found them. But the the time that I was waiting to hear back from them was hard.

And lastly, I want to write a few words about the Holocaust.  I had not heard the extent of the Holocaust until I came to the USA.  Killing 6 million of any people is unbelievable. I will not even pretend to understand what the survivors went through.  However, it has been over 60 years now, Nazi are no more.  And they were given their homeland, Israel, which they consider holy land, by the support of Britain and USA. But how much longer will it keep getting welfare from USA? And how much land will they keep taking from the Palestinians?

Dear Zindagi - 3

The purpose of writing all these posts is not to blame anyone or feel pity for myself. I have to understand where I come from, what I need and what I stand for. At the end of the day, I should be able to look in the mirror and feel good about myself - that I did not hurt anyone, I did not betray anyone's trust, I was there for them.....

The movie, Dear Zindagi, was not deep, and it does not have to be. The key thing for me was that it discussed something that we don't ever talk about.  There were some takeaways for me:

1. Parents are only humans. We put them on high pedestal but they are just human beings trying to live their lives as best as they know how to. As children of our parents, our whole being is a result of treatment from our parents. As children we believe they cannot be wrong - they are the ones who teach us everything - how can they be wrong? But time and time again that has been proven wrong. Parents are as human as anyone else. 
2. Why do we punish ourselves? Why do we believe there is some great prize waiting for us if we go through a lot of pain? We push ourselves to take great risks to our mental and physical life to live our life just because it will make us better, stronger and earn respect. WHY? Why don't we take the easy way? What is the problem in that? 
3. It is important to look inward from time to time, look at our relationships and just like we try to keep our body healthy, we should learn to keep our relationships healthy. They should not get rotten or get fungus on it. They need to be kept fresh and flavorful! This closest relationship of a nuclear family is mostly taken for granted. I have written about this a lot in my blogs in various places.

People don't change their behaviour unless they want to. So I don't try to change anyone or expect anyone will change for me. I also cannot change myself too much....we always remain who we are.

We have our baseline of needs and requirements in life. If those are not met then life can be very difficult. I have many things in my life that make it comfortable, but it has not been easy.  The journey has been hard.  And being alone has been the hardest thing possible for me because I never expected I would be alone. Fighting alone, dealing with emotions alone, having no one to talk to, doing all the work alone. It all gets very tiring. And I am getting very tired. I feel like I have no patience to play games anymore. I want what I want or get out of my way.

I want to enjoy the money I am earning in traveling where I want to, doing what I want to do. Find a person who enjoys life as much as I do and live my life with him. Just relax and take a day at a time. No worries ... no fights.... no competitions....nothing....just an easy going life.  Why can't it be possible?

I don't think I was made for this world. I don't know how to live in it.

Dear Zindagi - 2

So back to “Dear Zindagi”. The first connection I felt with Alia’s character was that I also don’t have a stable romantic relationship.  I have not had much of an intimate relationship with men.  The kind of men I have encountered in my life cannot be trusted and sadly none have stood up for me.  I have thought a lot about it in the last five years as to why I got a divorce and why I don’t have a partner in life.  I always come up with only two factors: 1) No one has ever been loyal to me.  I need someone who would be faithful. If I cannot trust the person then I cannot be with them and one way or another I will let that relationship die.  2) I have yet to meet a man who can handle me. I may not feel strong internally but I externally I come off as an independent, strong woman. It is possible that men cannot handle it.

Different women require different things from their spouses or romantic relationships – money, home, children etc., while some were married young and were more open to adjusting.  But for me it has always been loyalty and personal strength (confidence). And then I wonder why is that? If I was a little more flexible in my needs I would have stayed married or found someone. And this takes me back to how I grew up being betrayed all the time by the ones close to me.

There were so many times that I just wanted to run away from everything.  And even now, when I am living alone, I still want to run away from everything and everyone.

The second thing I could relate to from the movie was the feeling of being abandoned.

First I was happy that I did not have to be with my parents when they left me in India to study, but only later on I realized how wrong that decision of theirs was. No parent sends their 16 year old daughter away to another city - forget another country.  They did not send their son anywhere. I was left in care of relatives, but they were strangers to me. At that age I had to learn how to manage so many things.

The same thing happened with my PhD I did not know even what a PhD was. No one in my family had one. Only my MS professors had PhDs and none of us asked them how they got it or why or what to do with it.  A number of friends finished their Bachelors or Masters and got married.  But not me! I was going to do PhD. I was so proud! Only later I realized that my PhD had nothing to do with anyone caring about my higher education.  My father wanted to make sure that my brother had someone taking care of him during his education in USA.

All of this for me translated into: I was no good for anything except to make sure that my father's son was taken care of. Regarding my care, my parents would always say, "Oh she can take care of herself"! Sure!! They had only two responsibilities – one to educate me and one to find a nice family for me (as all Indian parents do for their daughters).  The first happened because I was capable of doing PhD and because they did not have to pay a penny for my PhD.  And they failed in the second one.

One might say – "Why are you complaining? You have a nice job, a house and you are independent."  That is true. That I am thankful for – but there is a gaping hole in my life that will never be filled.  And yes there are many girls whose life is tougher than mine – but I can compare myself only to my peers – all of whom are successful career woman with families and a support system.  I had to fight for everything myself.

There is always this feeling of abandonment, that everyone is going to leave me eventually (and I am not speaking about death).  No matter how much I do for anyone, eventually they will leave me when I need them. And most people have. This is not a feeling I felt one time...this is a feeling that keeps reinforcing continuously with experiences - I cannot ignore it. And the good for nothing husband did the same thing....he chose to leave me instead of fighting for me.

I felt really let down when I got married.  No one tried to stop the atrocity that was my marriage.  The guy was no where equal to me any way.  And in this day and age that should not have been the case.  And my parents should have known that they did not raise a Sati-Savitri.  But I could see from that time that I was always going to be alone.  During the two years that we were looking for a potential husband, my father showed me colors that I have not seen before.  I felt completely betrayed. By the time the “would be husband” came along – I was tired of fighting and explaining. I had given up. The loss was mine, and the lesson was mine too. I gave up on any support from my family at that point.

Now I have made myself such that I try to not let things affect me. I do what I have to do, need to do and should do, so I can live without any regrets.  But even that can be trying. I have to routinely deal with the negativity of my father, the general apathy from my mother and total lack of support from my brother.  Regardless of whether I can get love or not from family, one thing I will surely get is criticism.  There is no shortage of that.

One might say I am being dramatic – sure go ahead.  It’s my life and my experience. No one is going to come and live my life for me. When the times come, I have to handle things myself.  I decided what job was good for me, where I had to move, which house I had to buy etc.  I cannot count on anyone’s objective or caring feedback to give me the emotional and mental support I need. I cannot even count on telling anyone anything without them getting all judgmental on me. So now I just keep quiet about so many things.

One might ask – have you talked to your parents about this? My answer is why? There is no need to.  Everyone knows what they are doing. My parents are educated, mature individuals who have gone through a lot in their lives also.  They know exactly what they are doing and they don’t care for the consequences. One cares for the consequences only if one has something to lose.  The one time that I did not speak to them for a few months during my divorce, they drove 11 hrs from Detroit to Kansas City to see me.  And since then I don’t make them feel like they need to do reach out to me like that.  Regardless of how they behave with me, they are still my parents and if I can make their life easier, I will.  They don't really think I have anything to complain about so they will not understand my perspective...so no need to explain anything. Just keep living.......

Because of all this nonsense in my life – loyalty is above anything else to me.  My trust has been broken so many times that it is very hard to trust anyone.  Although I have to trust people in order to get anything done, but I have noticed that people are not all that dependable anymore.  Everyone is looking out for themselves. Their own purpose should be served, that’s all that matters.  Everyone for himself!! Sadly I don’t follow that philosophy so I will always have a hard time in life.

And that is why I want to disappear.....I really do.

Dear Zindagi - 1

So I saw this movie yesterday – “Dear Zindagi”.  It was not what I was expecting. In the movie, Alia Bhatt’s character is going through some hard times with her relationships – especially with men.  And she is shown as a strong, independent girl.  But because she is single she is kicked out of her housing and so must move in with her parents in Goa. Her emotions show that she has issues with them which has really shaped her character but we don't know what issues…. yet. By chance she is sitting in a hotel where there is a presentation on mental health going on. One of the speakers is our own very Shah Rukh Khan, a psychiatrist, speaking on what a taboo it is to seek and give mental health care.  Well, Alia starts seeking Khans’s professional help and little by little the story unravels as to why she is the way she is.

It is not a deep deep movie but it still brought up a lot of emotions for me.  I could really feel Alia’s pain since I have been there.  Most girls go through some or the other negative experience in their life – it could be eve teasing while shopping, having sexual advances made by relatives, coworkers or bosses and being abused emotionally, physically or mentally.  Lucky are the girls who have not experienced any of these! Most girls go through the negative behaviour without telling anyone – that would be a sign of weakness and/or they may end up losing a little bit of independence they might have. We suffer through it – it makes us who we are as a person and most times it will translate into how we handle our relationships.   The girls who have the most positive relationships are the ones who come from a set of parents who loved her.  These girls generally don’t know how to cook….that is how I know they were loved. If they cook they learned it on their own, not from their mothers.

Most of us like to suppress bad memories and relive the good ones for happiness sake.  We go through relationship issues but we don’t stop to think why? Everyone has issues – right? So its okay – it cannot be because of some childhood or growing up pain.  We would rather blame others or circumstances but never look inwards to think about why something happens to us, even if it might be a pattern.

Some of us talk to our friends and if we are feeling the same thing then our feelings are validated. But not always, in which case we might feel superior for suffering or inferior for not being able to handle things.  And in several cases, we don’t talk about everything – some things are too private to share.

We could talk to someone else…..someone who could give us objective advice and keep our secrets a secret but…..then see a psychologist? A psychiatrist?

Mental health is a taboo – everywhere.  At least now in America people know there is a problem so there are professionals to help. I know when I was going through my divorce, my friend, happened to be a counselor, really helped me balance my emotions.  And for the last 20 years I have seen a real openness about talking and dealing with mental health issues in USA.  Women go through it a lot more than men, maybe because our brains are wired to constantly keep thinking and we are by nature more emotional (hormones?).  But men are also susceptible to it – but again that is a taboo…

Mental weakness is a general sign of weakness in a person. Everyone needs counseling: career, medical, law, spiritual – then why feel guilty about mental counseling?

Of course, I don’t know the answers – but I do know that I have been thinking of getting counselling for the past two years but have not done it.  There are things we can talk about to our friends or parents or boss to try to get feedback, but there are so many things that we are just not ready to share with anyone.  For me I feel that I cannot even talk to myself about certain things because I will start to rationalize them….or justify them. And since it is only my brain giving all the answers – I will never get another perspective.

At this time I am left thinking more about what happened in my life that makes me behave the way I do.....

Movie Review: Room

I just saw the movie Room (2015) yesterday.  I knew what it was about but seeing it made such a difference. I kept thinking about it all night and of course today....

The movie is about a young woman (Brie Larson - who won Oscar and many more awards for this movie) who has been kidnapped by a man and kept in a room for who knows how long. She has a 5 year old son (Jacob Trembly) so we know she has been held captive for at least 6 years.  The movie starts with her son, Jack, turning 5. They are trying to celebrate it like a normal birthday by making a cake together.  It is very sweet to see the relationship Joy has with her son. She is the only adult in her son's life. She is very protective of her son and does not let the father (her kidnapper) even near him.  It is amazing all the things she tries to teach him with such limited resources. She can cook, they watch TV, they have some books and a skylight from where to see the sky.

Jack is very sweet, intuitive and curious little boy. It was so nice to see that despite Joy's situation, she tried very hard to teach her son so many good things, which are more obvious later in the movie.

By careful planning on her part and bravery of her son, they escape the "Room". The latter part of the movie was about them adjusting back into the normal with her mother and step father.  This is a complete other relationship analysis. Joy's own father refuses to look at her son and just leaves Joy with her mother (Joan Allen).  Joan is grounded as is her second husband. Slowly they try to integrate Joy and Jack back into normal life.

Jack is so resilient - with help from a doctor he slowly he starts talking more and going out.  Joy on the other hand is judged by the media and falls into depression.  She needs help! Jack is left without her for the first time. He manages well.  The sweetest part of the movie is about his hair.  He never cut his hair in the "Room" so it is long. He does not want to cut it when he is out of the "Room" because that is where his "strong" is.  That is so sweet! But then when his Ma goes into therapy, he cuts his hair to send it to her so she can have his "strong".  So small yet such strength.

All relationships are shown so nicely. Even the step father is shown to have a great character. He does not rush anything, just like the mother (Joan).  He takes it easy and soon Jack starts talking to him on his own.

I felt that a lot of adversity and hardships can be overcome with love and support. A mother's love for her son and to protect him and to make sure he will have a normal future.  The love of a mother who suffered when her daughter was kidnapped and now is so patient and supportive of her. Beautiful movie.  I just fell in love with little Jack.