Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Blessing or Punishment

During our life we meet so many people - some more memorable than others; some stay in our lives for longer time than others. I have lived in many places and have met so many people along the way (and its not over yet!). When I was younger I did not think too much about this, but as I am getting older (and maturer!) I have opinions, experiences and memories. People can be all kinds - acquaintances, friends or even relatives.

Some people are like a breath of fresh air: I meet them and think - wow! Please stay in my life for a longer time- you are so refreshing in this grim world.  Maybe that is why they don't stay - that refreshing feeling will go away - maybe it will not - but I will never know. They never stay for more than one meeting!

Some people are helpers: they came into my life when I really needed help or I was looking for a person of that "qualification". These people come and go - sadly they have not stayed longer either. They came to help me at the perfect time. Although I think I can still call on some of them. (Like the gentleman who fixed my couch for a great price!!) :-)

Some people are blessings: they have stayed in my life as a support system. I know they are there for me. I can call on them when I need them; they are dependable and I can trust them. Their presence in my life is proof for me that I am doing something right. I must be good to them also for them to hang around my life for so long. My long term friends...thank you!!

Some people are punishments: these people have come in my life as a lesson for me. It is very late in the relationship that I realize these people will never give me any comfort or happiness. They will always test me, want from me and treat me poorly. No matter how good I am to them or how much I do for them, they will always hurt me. I can never trust them and they will never be there for me. They may be good to other people but not me, they are just.....a punishment in my life. 

I can only hope that I am blessing in people's lives and not a punishment. Although I think some people may think of me as punishment that is why they are not able to treat me as I would like to be treated or as I should be treated.

As Forrest Gump's momma said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get." I will only hope that I have more people who are blessings in my life and that I am a punishment for no one.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Feelings and Emotions

I don't care.
I don't have those feelings.
I don't give a damn.
It does not bother me.

When someone says those statements it means either they are denying their emotions or they really don't give a damn, in which case they are selfish.

When people deny their emotions they are lying to others and to themselves. To deny means you are not acknowledging something.  That means you are avoiding something....What?? What are you avoiding? And why?

  • Are you afraid of acknowledging the truth? 
  • Do you think people will think less of you? 
  • Or are you avoiding the responsibility that comes with that acknowledgment? 

People think just because they are saying "I don't care", it makes them not really care or it absolves them of responsibility for their behavior. But the truth is: because you are saying, it means you thought about it, and you then decided you did not care. It was a conscious decision.

The more you ignore your feelings the more you will not be able to handle situations. The sooner you acknowledge your true feelings about a person or situation, the sooner you will have a clearer understanding of how to deal with the person or situation.  Avoidance just postpones the inevitable and then invariably someone gets hurt.

In the deepest of your heart you always know the truth.  To acknowledge it, is the hard part. You try to hide your feelings so much that you develop this dual personality - an outer one for the world where you lie and manipulate; and an inner where you know exactly what you are doing. And if you keep up this dual personality you will not know where you exist anymore - the two will merge. You build this fake world around yourself in which everything is fine - because you don't care - right?

But the reality is - you do care. And inside it will eat you and bother you and the negative emotions - the guilt will manifest themselves in form of stress, pain and other physical ailments. Worst of all the happiness you think you have will not feel real - because you know somewhere along your life you have cheated someone or yourself of the truth.  Sure - we will all live our lives - life always goes on, but the quality of life is not there; the real happiness is not there. You are living just for living sake. And you justify your life by saying - "but this is how the world works - we sacrifice, we tolerate and we compromise."

There is something about compromise and sacrifice that makes it sound very noble - when the reality is in some cases you are doing injustice to all. It is much better to speak the truth so that life does not seem like a compromise anymore. You should want to make that sacrifice or compromise willingly and happily.  And then it will not seem like a compromise or sacrifice.  Your life will be how you want to live, where you want to be, with whomever you want to be with; you will be at peace and you will be happy. Just acknowledge it.....make it real!

And if you really "don't care", then you really are selfish. You use people to your advantage and then toss them out of your life.  Eventually that will also haunt you - when? Who knows? Maybe when you are more mature or when you have time to think about what you have done in life. And if you don't think about it and and it does not haunt you then you are in a completely different category of people (I don't want to name it).

It takes a lot more energy to build a fake world and deceive people.  It is a lot easier to be yourself. Sure we cannot be the same for everyone and you cannot tell everyone everything - but that is not what this blog is about. It is about being truthful to yourself and being truthful to your friends and loved ones who care about you.

One last point - sometimes when we don't care - it means we have given up. We are tired and just don't want to deal with the person or situation anymore. Which in itself is sad, because that giving up causes loss of relationships or no improvement of a bad situation.

I know sometimes I have built a fake world trying to convince everyone and myself that this is what is best for me - but deep down I knew the reality was something else. I have had to make some hard decisions in order to be truthful to myself, and I have no regrets about my decisions.  I think my life is a lot better than what it would have been if I had not been true to myself.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


We have met our share of selfish people. I don't have any wise words to say about these people or how to deal with them. I just want to write that I have met selfish, deceiving and lying people.

I was blessed during my college years (BSc, MSc and PhD) to have really nice friends who helped me enjoy my college years and have a good social life. I never felt like I missed out on anything. Some of my friends were so nice and so helpful that they made me want to emulate them. We would do anything for each other.  Those were really the good 8 years of my life....

Ever since my working years, I have encountered selfish people in each of the work environment.  Why? Maybe its the competitiveness nature of the environment or just a personality clash, but it was always very painful for me.  These people have been so incredibly selfish that they have managed to ruin some of the best years of my life. I could have achieved a lot more, accomplished so much more if only I had a colleague who would have just kept their poisonous tentacles away from me.

Luckily during these times I have had very good friends....for most part. There have been only one or two who have sucked the life out of me. And of course friends end up hurting us more than our colleagues. There is a lot more intimacy between friends than colleagues.

Relatives can also be selfish - and they are related to you, so it is hard to get away from them. Sometimes you cannot do enough for some of them, they keep expecting more and more.

I think selfish people have no empathy or sympathy. They exist in an emotional void where the only emotion they know is their own; the only problems they see are their own. They are the center of their world and they cannot imagine why others cannot see that fact.

I find selfish people emotionally draining. I have the habit of thinking and rethinking of situations that have occurred in my life, so I can assess what I could have done differently or in some cases I just cannot get some things out of my mind. And the more I think about the selfish people, the more I realize there is not much I could have done, because it was not me - it was them.  The only thing I could have done was stay away from them, which sometimes was not a possibility or it was too late.

In some cases I feel that I was aiming to please my friends/relatives; in some cases I was a little gullible and trusted too quickly. I always want to see the best in people and I want to give them the benefit of the doubt. But people take advantage of this nature. They manipulate and abuse the relationship.

I don't think there is any getting away from such people as it always takes time to figure them out and by that time - the deeds done!