Dear Zindagi - 3

The purpose of writing all these posts is not to blame anyone or feel pity for myself. I have to understand where I come from, what I need and what I stand for. At the end of the day, I should be able to look in the mirror and feel good about myself - that I did not hurt anyone, I did not betray anyone's trust, I was there for them.....

The movie, Dear Zindagi, was not deep, and it does not have to be. The key thing for me was that it discussed something that we don't ever talk about.  There were some takeaways for me:

1. Parents are only humans. We put them on high pedestal but they are just human beings trying to live their lives as best as they know how to. As children of our parents, our whole being is a result of treatment from our parents. As children we believe they cannot be wrong - they are the ones who teach us everything - how can they be wrong? But time and time again that has been proven wrong. Parents are as human as anyone else. 
2. Why do we punish ourselves? Why do we believe there is some great prize waiting for us if we go through a lot of pain? We push ourselves to take great risks to our mental and physical life to live our life just because it will make us better, stronger and earn respect. WHY? Why don't we take the easy way? What is the problem in that? 
3. It is important to look inward from time to time, look at our relationships and just like we try to keep our body healthy, we should learn to keep our relationships healthy. They should not get rotten or get fungus on it. They need to be kept fresh and flavorful! This closest relationship of a nuclear family is mostly taken for granted. I have written about this a lot in my blogs in various places.

People don't change their behaviour unless they want to. So I don't try to change anyone or expect anyone will change for me. I also cannot change myself too much....we always remain who we are.

We have our baseline of needs and requirements in life. If those are not met then life can be very difficult. I have many things in my life that make it comfortable, but it has not been easy.  The journey has been hard.  And being alone has been the hardest thing possible for me because I never expected I would be alone. Fighting alone, dealing with emotions alone, having no one to talk to, doing all the work alone. It all gets very tiring. And I am getting very tired. I feel like I have no patience to play games anymore. I want what I want or get out of my way.

I want to enjoy the money I am earning in traveling where I want to, doing what I want to do. Find a person who enjoys life as much as I do and live my life with him. Just relax and take a day at a time. No worries ... no fights.... no competitions....nothing....just an easy going life.  Why can't it be possible?

I don't think I was made for this world. I don't know how to live in it.