Anger

This is possibly the worst quality in anyone. There is no shortage of people or books giving advice on the fact that anger is the least desirable quality. When one is angry there is no control over what one is saying and to whom. And most times the person in anger will have regrets after their anger has subsided. But by that time the damage has been done.

The person who gets angry usually has no control over their emotions and are usually emotionally weak. What is even worse is when an educated person gets angry. One of the purposes of getting an education is also to be disciplined in ones actions. Why does one not control their anger? In my life I have observed that somehow people who chose to use anger as their self defense tend to belittle people around them.

I have also noticed a number of times that anger is misdirected. One is angry at one thing but they take it out on someone else or something else. The recipient of this anger is most times not aware what hit them. Even if they know that they did not cause this anger, they are still unable to do anything about it. It is the most pathetic sight to see. This behavior clearly shows that this individual (getting angry) does not have respect for people around them. Even if they are remorseful later in time, the deed has been done and after a few times of forgiving them for their anger, it becomes harder.

Is anger an environmental effect or genetic? How does one learn to get angry? From family? From friends? I will not be presumptuous to know the answer to that question but I do think it is more from home. If one comes from a stable, loving home where everyone is respected for their opinions and decisions then there would be no reason to be angry. So, anger in my opinion is a learned behavior and therefore can be controlled by discipline and appropriate support from family and friends.

As I have grown up, and hopefully matured in my thinking and developed some self confidence, I have learned to deal better with people directing their anger towards me, and I getting angry at other people. Dealing with people getting angry with me is much easier:

• Depending on the person who is fuming at me, if I can, I just walk away.
• If the person is close to me, I try to get to the bottom of their anger and help them by getting to the bottom of their problem. Most times I have been able to calm people down by just listening patiently. Sometimes they don’t really want a response – just an audience.
• If I cannot go away and I don’t really care to give a response (or should not give a response), then I listen with patience without losing my own temper. I just sit, look at the person and think about what is going on in their mind to get so upset.  They usually don't have a problem from me, but some of their own issues.  (Sometimes these are the students who come and sit in my office trying to tell everything that is wrong with me and my teaching, when really they are the ones who have not put forth the work needed for the course).
• The best phrase I learned from one of my colleagues is to say, “I understand”, and listen. Sometimes angry people are trying to get a response out of me and I know they don’t deserve a response. So I keep my cool and just smile.

I usually don’t get angry at people anymore as much as I used to. I have realized over time it is not worth it to ruin my mood and someone else’s day over a useless emotion and especially over a situation that I may not have had any control over. So better to smile, realize that there is no positive outcome from anger and eat chocolate.