Happiness - Privilege or Right? Part 1

Be happy...
Stay happy...
Hamesha khush raho (always be happy - a very common Indian blessing)
Happiness is the key of life...

What the heck is this happiness? And why does everyone want you to be happy (yet in some ways not also).  My thinking is that happiness is a state of mind where you feel you have no problems, you are at peace with the world and everything feels good.

How to be happy? One only has to Google it and find so many resources on how to be happy! There has be a conscious effort to be happy and stay happy. Most of us are not happy because

• we may not be valued at work
• other people are not happy with us
• we did not get what we wanted
• we can't seem to please anyone
• we have so many responsibilities and we are too stressed to be happy
• nobody is listening to us
• someone did not recycle the paper! They just threw it in the trash!
• and so on............

Even the smallest incident in our life becomes a huge mishap and thus a cause of unhappiness. So really....we don't give ourselves permission to be happy because we have surrounded ourselves with so many issues. 

Then there is this whole other factor of this world where everyone says you should try be happy but no one really wishes it for the other by heart. Because what will they do if you are happy and they are not! Misery loves company - right?

Happiness seems to be a very fleeting emotion. It seems that as soon as one is happy someone else comes and takes it away - not to make themselves happy, but just so that you are not. Again, it is as if they they are saying how could "YOU" be happy when "I" am not? Or how could YOU have something that I don't have?  And there are so many people who suck away the happy feeling.

So even though people can be happy they are afraid to show their happiness lest others get jealous,  or ruin it by saying something petty and selfish, or sucking it away.

So why do we wish "Happy" everything when we really don't mean it?  I don't have the answer to that question. Or maybe everyone surrounding us is just pretentious.

What are some of the reasons that people are not happy? (I know there are gazillion books out there on this topic - but this is my blog and my take on things!)  Here are just some of the reasons I can think of right now. In my Part II of this blog I focus more on the self.

Happiness at Home: I should not pretend to have authority on this since I don't live with anyone :-) Although from all the divorces, affairs and marriage counselors out there I can take a quick guess. We spend majority of our time at home. So if there is no harmony at home - from the spouse, children, extended family and living conditions then there will be constant irritants in life. This is also the hardest to change because how do you change your situation which was made permanent by a vow or by blood?  In my case, living alone has given me the freedom to make changes and live my life as I want to; it has given me a different perspective on things. Although in both cases (living single vs family) I feel fate/destiny is responsible. I have noticed some people are just sad and they will contine to live a sad life whether they are single or in a family.  They cannot seem to make the small changes in life that can give small happy moments. They almost seem afraid of life.

Happiness at Work: This is where we spend the second big part of our life. We are considered more successful not by the quality of our personal life, but by the number of promotions we get or the pay raise that we get at work. If you get a promotion/recognition you must be good otherwise you are lacking something.  It also means that whatever you do at work is never going to be sufficient; there is always one more step to go, one more promotion to have and then another and another.....If there are no more promotions at the current job then you are advised to change jobs and start moving up the ladder in a new place....or why don't you start your own company? There is no end to this. So we spend our lives trying to attain the unattainable. How can we be happy? And then to top it all off when we are the pinnacle of our career we are supposed to retire! Well...there goes all the hard work - what am I supposed to do now?

Of course all the above is not true for anyone who loves their work, enjoys it and finds happiness in it. And these are people who have a pleasant disposition and are a joy to work with.

Happiness from Parents: I don't know how many parents are completely satisfied with the lives of their children.  As soon as one becomes a parent, there is no other job for them but to take care of the children, make sure they study well, get into the right career path, settle well in life with a good partner, have children of their own.........the list goes on.  Which means there is no end to the desires there.  All parents in the world believe they have sacrificed so their children could have a good life. All parents - even the drunk father or the absent mother. So they have a right to expect something in return from their children. All that sacrifice has to be paid back by meeting the parents' expectations.  Tough luck!! Hardly any children can meet those expectations so the cycle of low self esteem and of getting no acknowledgment goes on.  There goes that happiness in the dumps!!

Selfish Happiness: I also want to point out that some people are so much into their own happiness, self-gratification and convenience that they overlook their responsibilities. I consider such people to be selfish. That happiness which leads to other people being inconvenienced, made fun of, or not taken care of (if you are responsible for them) is not happiness - that is selfishness.

Weight Loss Challenge 4

Okay! So I did my weight challenge for about 6 months.  Sadly I did not lose any weight:

• I kept track of what I was eating
• I went for walking etc whenever I could
• I changed my diet to a high protein instead of a high carbohydrate one
• I limited my sugar intake to a minimum (that I could do)

But nothing worked. The first 2-3 weeks were the hardest on my digestive system. I ended up having mouth sores so badly that I could not even eat anything.  Once that was better then I got on track. I would have milk, salad, nuts etc all day and one meal in the evening.  The nutritionist would give me feedback as to what I should eat and what I can decrease.  Occasionally she would suggest some variety for the foods I was eating.  It did not help much as I am not such a big eater.

In any case.  My routine went on for 4 months. I had paid for 6 months.  After not losing any weight for 3 months, I contacted the nutritionist over the phone. She was not very friendly - in fact at some points she was just downright rude. That was not helpful.  When I did not lose any weight later also, then I contacted her again.  She then said that I should get some blood work done for certain key chemicals like Vit D and iron etc.  I got mad.  Why had she not done this before? Especially if she thinks this was important in weight loss. 

I did not remain quiet after this - I wrote her a long email chastising her about not doing her job properly and not advising according to my body type.  She just made a diet plan like she does for everyone and hoped that I would lose weight.  That was not the agreement.  She kept defending herself, but I was unmoved.

I went back to my beloved carbohydrates and within one week I lost 3 lbs!! So now I am convinced that one really has to see your own body type and then fix a diet.  There is no one fix for everyone. I went back to my regular diet, which really was quite rich in protein to begin with, but I added some more carbos to it. It really helped to improve my mood and made me feel better.  And the fact that I lost about 5 lbs after I stopped doing the "Weight Monitors" diet plan really put the skip in my step.

Slowly I am coming to terms with the fact that I may never lose the weight that has so lovingly attached itself to my body. So be it. I will keep doing what I do to have healthy lifestyle and not overeat on sugars.  But to hell with dieting and to hell with monitoring my food intake! I know when I am full and I know when I am overeating.

One last comment I would make regarding any dieting plan anyone undertakes to make sure that the nutritionist creates a plan just for you and not a generic plan.  The feedback should be more meaningful than "you need to include dairy product" or "you should have eaten only one cookie"  - you can see that yourself when you are writing the diary. I would not recommend the service I used to anyone as my plan was not personalized.  She did not get enough background information on me to guide me properly. Although in her favor, her feedback was immediate and she was very good in responding.  I also started including in my diet more nuts than I previously ever had. Overall my health has been fantastic.  The other major problem (second to not losing weight) was low energy level.

Someday my goal of losing the 15 lbs will happen and if it doesn't then I just hope to still be healthy and happy!

Weight Loss Challenge 3

So finally after I have decided to take some action. 

One was to enrol in a boot camp class - the Palm Beach Boot Camp. They were great! I could go for as many classes during the six weeks I was enrolled. I would go twice a week but later it turned out to be only once a week.  The boot camp was good, but I felt I was always behind even though no one was really looking, but still. The other thing was that I felt I was not energetic enough.  Although...it used to feel really good after a session but there were certain times that I felt physically sick from the hyperventilation.  The leaders were good, they did not push anyone more than their capacity, but I would feel a little embarrassed sometimes for not being up to par with their standards.  I would highly recommend this boot camp to anyone.  I learned some new moves and I will try and do them at home.

The second thing I have done is to monitor my diet. First I joined MyFitnessPal, where one can fill in all they are eating and see how many calories they have consumed.  It is quite comprehensive in the variety of foods it has. It covers a lot of Indian food and so many brand name foods.  It has helped me keep on target with how many calories I consume daily. 

But the major difference came from joining the second site: The Weight Monitor. This is an Indian web site monitored by a nutritionist from India.  She gives daily feedback on my daily intake of food.  It is something else when someone is actually monitoring what you eat.  You have to be a little bit more conscious of what and how much you are eating.  And it is better not to lie, because she is not the one wanting to lose the weight - you are!! So better to be honest and follow guidelines regarding her nutritional advice. 

So far it has been one week since I joined the Weight Monitor and I feel like I am doing well and feel lighter, my appetite has gone down, but not my energy.  It seems more like a eating lifestyle change than anything else.

So keeping my fingers crossed....hopefully I will lose about 15 lbs by the time I done with all of this....wish me luck!

Weight Loss Challenge 2

2012 summer brought on another 5 lbs of gift to my body. So now I have about 20 lbs to lose before I am my old healthy weight. 

Ever since I came back from India in 2011, I brought back some different ideas about eating. I got into juicing and sprouting.  My diet plan changed during the fall of 2011. I substituted my lunch for a salad of sprouts and veggies.  I just added a bit of salad dressing and croutons and made sure that it was not all a total of more than 200 Cal. That was my lunch from Sept 2011 - April 2012.  Dinner was my main meal. But it also never exceeded 400 Cal.  In between I would have tea and some snacks.  All of the eight months went by without losing one single pound. In fact I regained the 5 lbs I had lost in India during the summer of 2011.  OH!! What to do?

Nothing seems to be working. 

I added fresh fruit-vegetable juice to my diet. So 3-4 times a week I would drink juice instead of snacking.  No weight loss....

In February I joined an online website - Calorie Counter to keep a track of what I was eating. The website calculated that I had to consume about 1200 Cal to lose 1 lb a week. Sure I can do that. But did I lose any weight after 3 months of doing that? NOPE. Not a single pound.

In April I started getting ready for my summer travel to Kailash. So I started walking about 3 miles per day. In keeping with the same diet I had all the time, I still did not lose a single pound.

What is it about the body that it does not want to let go of that fat?? 

And then in summer 2012 I went back to India.  It was hot this time around as well.  I did not walk around as much as I did in 2011 but my diet was very different this year. I still had the good breakfast, but hardly ate any lunch or dinner.  And I still managed to gain 5 lbs.  This is getting to a point of annoying.

So now it is war!! I cannot back off now. So, I made a pact with a good friend that I had to lose the 10 lbs this year starting from September 2012.  Now that I have said it aloud to a friend, it would be embarrassing not to come through.

Weight Loss Challenge

For the past 6 years I have been trying to lose 10 lbs that I suddenly gained in two months.  I could see the pounds sticking on me but could not do anything to stop them! Why did I gain 10 lbs in two months? I don't know: maybe I was not feeling well, maybe it was my age, maybe I was stressed, maybe, maybe maybe....But whatever the reason, I have been trying to get rid of those 10 lbs ever since.  Before that 10 lb gain I was trying to lose the 5 lbs I had gained earlier on! So now it was a total of 15 lbs that I needed to lose. Darn!

It has been six years and I have not lost a single pound. Well I lost 5 but gained them back in one year.  This is an ongoing challenge I have in my life. I am so tired of carrying out these extra 15 lbs. And since this summer, I have added on 5 more! So darn it - now it 20 lbs that I need to get rid of!! The saddest part is whatever I put on just does not want to leave me!! What the heck is going on??

So here is what I have done in the past 5 years to lose the extra padding on my body.

The first try - The Gym: I have been an avid fan of the gym ever since I came to the USA. University of Toledo had a great new gym and I had lost 10 lbs of my body weight working out 4 times a week.  Oh those days were something else!! I continued going to the gym in Buffalo, Vancouver and then in Parkville.  I enjoy working out. It is very satisfying and I feel good about myself.  One hour is the typical amount of time I used to spend in the gym.

Anyway, so I joined the gym in Winchester also. It was a great gym called Anytime Fitness. I could go anytime and workout without anyone interfering in my routine. And since it was a new gym all the machines were new and there was hardly any crowd.  My teaching load was not much, so I started going 4-5 times a week.  My routine was a combined 40 mins of walking, elliptical or the stairmaster.  And then about 40 mins of weight training.  Since I used to have a personal trainer in Park University, I know how to mix and match.  After 5 months of this routine guess how much weight I lost - a big fat ZERO!! 

That was very disappointing for me.  But I had the membership so I continued to go but the enthusiams was not there.

The second try - The South Beach Diet: This is based on high protein and low carbohydrate diet.  Okay...I am a vegetarian, this would be hard for me, but I had to give it a try.  So much so I cut out all the sugar, which is the hardest thing for me to do since I had to give up my favorite thing - tea.  But I gave it up for 2 months.  I became creative in my cooking and very stingy in my eating. I developed a taste for Diet coke with lime which was my alternative to tea. As per the South Beach Diet plan, after 2 months I added little bit sugar to my diet - only in tea and in once a week dessert.  How much weight did I lose after 3 months of this routine? A big fat ZERO!!

Another big disappointment for me! But I knew there must be something going on in my body. So I got my hormones checked.

The third try - Thyroid + Gym: So it turned out I had a little, teeny tiny, hypothyroidism.  No problem. Bring on the drugs. I took some of the hormone and still went to the gym with the hope that the thyroid would help in boosting my metabolism. But no - zip - nothing.  My body was in love with the 10 lbs of fat.

It was time to move to Florida in 2009.  The first year was very stressful for me, buying a house, adjusting to the new college and new city. But I still managed to find time to go to my community gym.  As usual, I went but my fat did not. 

So comes around 2011 summer time, when I spent my two and a half month vacation in India.  It was the months of June, July and part August. It was bloody hot in India with only a fan in the room. No problem. It was my decision to go to India in the hot weather and I would bear the hotness.

I ate very simple food for lunch and dinner, but always had good breakfast. I had tea/coffee whenever I wanted. I did walk a lot during my first month of being in India and during that one month I managed to lose 5 lbs!! I was beyond happy!! Unbelievable.  This was awesome.  I never did lose the next 5 lbs. And the saddest part is that I gained those 5 lost lbs right back when I came back to USA.  So I think the stress my body went through during the first month of being the hot weather caused me to lose the weight but not sustain it.

All of this has been anticlimactic for me.  But my determination is not gone.  I am still on the path.....keep reading!

India and I

Ever since I was 8 years old I have lived out of India.

I was born in Dehra Dun and Papa admitted us in a good school there, Convent of Jesus and Mary. But we left India when I was in 4th grade there. I did have the good fortune to come back to India and study in Vanasthali Vidyapeeth (near Jaipur) for one year for 8th grade. I was 11 yrs old then. It was the first time I learned all my subjects in Hindi, except of course English. It was a very challenging year for me, but that is another blog. I also did my B.Sc. and M.Sc. in India. Also quite an experience for me.  During my two years of B.Sc. I lived in the girl’s hostel, in Meerut, with my uncle as my guardian. M.Sc. was in Saharanpur with the joint family of my aunt. Again, that is for another two blogs. After those four eventful and wonderful years, I have only visited India every 4-6 years or so.

I have always felt a strong connection with India and want to keep coming back to my motherland, but since my immediate family is in USA, it was tough to come to a “home”. Whenever we came to India, we came as gypsies, ready with a suitcase and ready to move to a new place every third day. We would visit and stay with relatives or stay in hotels. There is a great freedom in doing that, and I got to travel all over India, which really has been a treat. India is beautiful.

However, for some years I have had a very strong urge to come to India especially to do some volunteer work. I tried that 7 years ago also, but it did not quite work out. So last year in 2011, I braved it and came to India on my own, which was a big step for me, as I did not even know who would pick me up from Delhi airport. Luckily, everything worked out (Krishna’s will) and I spent two months in Haridwar at Dev Sanskriti University, which is associated with Shantikunj. I had such a nice experience and met such good people that I could not resist coming back again this year (2012). The most important thing during these two years was that I stayed in one place and enjoyed one place rather than constantly packing and unpacking.

I don’t know what is going to happen in future. Coming to India in summer means no working in USA, which means no income and leaving my home and family for 3 months. So as much as I love my experiences and want to spend my summers here, I don’t know if I can do this every year. I wish it was easier......

My Second Summer at Dev Sanskriti Vishwavidyala (DSVV)

After coming to DSVV last year and meeting such good people, I thought I should come here at least once more and recreate the magic. My experience was good last year because I came with an open mind and was ready for anything and everything. I had 2-3 projects to do which involved going to different offices and collecting information. As much as I hate introducing myself 5 times to 5 different people in one day, I did it, because I needed to do it. I did end up finishing all the work I was given and actually did more than was expected.

There were 2-3 people I met last year who will be ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life. It was partly because of them that I wanted to come back again so quickly.  Also the beauty and fragrance of the flowers on this campus, the greenery and the just the peacefullness of the enviroment is hard to find anywhere else.

View of plumeria outside my room.

As before, the Pro Vice Chancellor, Dr. Chinmay Padya, gave me good projects to work on: making departmental brochures, proof reading, finalizing the induction book (an orientation booklet to DSVV) and some other work.

And just like last year my challenges began………last year also I had felt the differences in how academic institutions work in USA and India, and this year that difference became even more pronounced. Of course DSVV is not your typical university. It has a different philosophy, it does not charge any fees from its students and all faculty and staff work mostly on volunteer basis. The entire campus is like a big family, everyone lives on campus and knows each other etc etc.

The first few days passed by quickly and nicely as I was meeting with some old friends and working independently on the induction book. But as soon as I had to start going to the various departments to get information regarding the brochures, all my feelings of the previous year came back to me. I cannot image in USA that faculty will not be available in offices the week before classes start. There is generally very poor communication, people are not too email oriented, and if they do check emails then they don’t reply. But my thinking is that with little bit professionalism a place can be made even better.

Or maybe this is just my view……some people say I am a perfectionist, but the truth is I take pride in my work, I value the people around me and I prefer to finish my work on time.

This year was somewhat different than last year. Work was a little slow just like last year, but last year I got to do a lot more reading on SharmaJi’s literature than this year because this year I had my laptop. Because of this I could finish the work ChinmayJi gave me a lot faster. I was not tutoring anyone this year so my evenings were more free – which I think was good and bad. The good - I finished all my blogs on Kailash; the bad – I ended up watching movies sometimes instead of reading some good books.

All in all, the one month at DSVV was good this year. When will I be here or even in India next? Only Krishna knows………he is the driver of my life.