Saturday, October 11, 2014

Feelings and Emotions

I don't care.
I don't have those feelings.
I don't give a damn.
It does not bother me.

When someone says those statements it means either they are denying their emotions or they really don't give a damn, in which case they are selfish.

When people deny their emotions they are lying to others and to themselves. To deny means you are not acknowledging something.  That means you are avoiding something....What?? What are you avoiding? And why?

  • Are you afraid of acknowledging the truth? 
  • Do you think people will think less of you? 
  • Or are you avoiding the responsibility that comes with that acknowledgment? 

People think just because they are saying "I don't care", it makes them not really care or it absolves them of responsibility for their behavior. But the truth is: because you are saying, it means you thought about it, and you then decided you did not care. It was a conscious decision.

The more you ignore your feelings the more you will not be able to handle situations. The sooner you acknowledge your true feelings about a person or situation, the sooner you will have a clearer understanding of how to deal with the person or situation.  Avoidance just postpones the inevitable and then invariably someone gets hurt.

In the deepest of your heart you always know the truth.  To acknowledge it, is the hard part. You try to hide your feelings so much that you develop this dual personality - an outer one for the world where you lie and manipulate; and an inner where you know exactly what you are doing. And if you keep up this dual personality you will not know where you exist anymore - the two will merge. You build this fake world around yourself in which everything is fine - because you don't care - right?

But the reality is - you do care. And inside it will eat you and bother you and the negative emotions - the guilt will manifest themselves in form of stress, pain and other physical ailments. Worst of all the happiness you think you have will not feel real - because you know somewhere along your life you have cheated someone or yourself of the truth.  Sure - we will all live our lives - life always goes on, but the quality of life is not there; the real happiness is not there. You are living just for living sake. And you justify your life by saying - "but this is how the world works - we sacrifice, we tolerate and we compromise."

There is something about compromise and sacrifice that makes it sound very noble - when the reality is in some cases you are doing injustice to all. It is much better to speak the truth so that life does not seem like a compromise anymore. You should want to make that sacrifice or compromise willingly and happily.  And then it will not seem like a compromise or sacrifice.  Your life will be how you want to live, where you want to be, with whomever you want to be with; you will be at peace and you will be happy. Just acknowledge it.....make it real!

And if you really "don't care", then you really are selfish. You use people to your advantage and then toss them out of your life.  Eventually that will also haunt you - when? Who knows? Maybe when you are more mature or when you have time to think about what you have done in life. And if you don't think about it and and it does not haunt you then you are in a completely different category of people (I don't want to name it).

It takes a lot more energy to build a fake world and deceive people.  It is a lot easier to be yourself. Sure we cannot be the same for everyone and you cannot tell everyone everything - but that is not what this blog is about. It is about being truthful to yourself and being truthful to your friends and loved ones who care about you.

One last point - sometimes when we don't care - it means we have given up. We are tired and just don't want to deal with the person or situation anymore. Which in itself is sad, because that giving up causes loss of relationships or no improvement of a bad situation.

I know sometimes I have built a fake world trying to convince everyone and myself that this is what is best for me - but deep down I knew the reality was something else. I have had to make some hard decisions in order to be truthful to myself, and I have no regrets about my decisions.  I think my life is a lot better than what it would have been if I had not been true to myself.

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