Time

"Time is money". This is what Americans say. And I think I am more American in this than Indian. 

I think I have always been punctual, don't know how. I remember rarely being late for meeting with friends or any other appointments. And I have always appreciated my friends who have been punctual. All the interviews I went to were on time and moved like clockwork. Somehow I find that very satisfying. I feel like life is moving fine. 

As I am getting older, time is becoming an important commodity. And this punctuality thing has become a habit now. We go about in our lives without realizing how important time is. People don't take it seriously. 

As a professor, I am never late to my classes. I do what I expect my students to do, be on time to class. If I am going to be late, I let them know in advance. In the same token, I don't like students walking in late to my classes. That is one thing that bothers me a lot. Once or twice is fine, but some students just don't come on time. It is disruptive and disrespectful. 

All my American friends have been really great. Whenever I have met them, they are early or there within 5 mins of when we are to meet. It's possible I learned from them on never to be late. I hate to have my friends waiting for me. It has happened a couple times because I could not see where they were sitting inside a restaurant - well....they could have waited for me in the waiting area, that is what I would have done. I would rather be the one waiting for them....

For all the American get togethers, events start on time. For all the Indian get togethers it's one hour later. It really bugs me that I will get there on time. The poor host is ready on time, but the guests don't seem to care.  It just goes to show again, disrespect.

And then there are the doctors who will always make you wait. I understand 15-20 mins, but beyond that is irritating.  If I made an appointment, then why make me wait more than 20 mins?? 

Not being on time just means you don't respect your own time and especially do not respect the other person or their time. You don't value them enough to save their precious commodity of time. Time that they spent waiting for you, they will never get back.

And last thing I want to say is "timing is everything". If you don't respect time, then you probably don't have good timing in life for other things and it's possible you might miss some golden opportunities in life. On the other hand, some people are just lucky - nothing can cause them to be more accountable.

The End of the Semester

As the semester ends there are a variety of emotions from the students …. And me also.  The one part of the semester I don’t like is assigning grades. I feel that students should assess themselves based on how much they think they learned. But of course, no one can honestly assess themselves with objectivity (even instructors sometimes don’t assign grades with objectivity).

I don’t know what happens to the students by the 3^rd exam. Its only then that they realize how they are doing in class, and then I have students writing to me, asking me personally what they can do to improve their grades. But after the 3^rd exam its really tough for anyone to improve drastically to change the letter grade to one higher. I get reasons like: I spent one hour solving this one problem, and I wonder – WHY? Why would anyone spend so much time on just one problem? I have learned to move on to other problems and then come back to that one problem I could not do before. I even tell them to do this – why don’t they learn to move on? 

Then there is the classic, “I am getting As in all my classes except yours”, well….I don’t know. I cannot comment on that one until I see their transcripts.

Another one, which is probably a little more honest, I did not give this class enough time.

I just don’t know how to guide these students anymore. There is so much going on in their lives: classes, work, family and of course the ever present, phone. I just cannot believe them when they say that they study 2 hours for my class and still get only a C. It means they are just not studying the right way or they think that opening the book is considered studying. And one has to think themselves and realize, what am I doing wrong if I am studying this long and not getting the grade? They should think about getting help early on. But there is a general feeling of self confidence (or lack of it) that does not let them get help.

The other culprit I think, is work. They work to pay for the course (maybe?). But the problem arises when the work takes precedence over education. Some students can manage it all, but most cannot.  One of the things I really like about our Indian culture is that studies are done in the first 25 years of the life. And I can see the benefits of it. One has to get education out of the way before you start a family or work. How can you give education the time it needs when you have kids or if you are reporting to a boss? And I see that conflict all the time in this college. And there is nothing I can do about it.

But one other problem I have with about 70% of the students is their lack of study skills. Study skills include taking notes, practicing problems, copying notes from one notebook to another, scheduling the right amount of time to the right subject. I will confess that I was never a high IQ student, but I did put in my time to learn the material. And I never shied away from getting help. I hardly get anyone during the semester for help.

The end of the semester brings in the typical question, “is there any extra credit”? And I never understood that question. I never had that when I was going to school. You are supposed to do everything for the given credit. If you cannot do that, then how can you do extra credit? Extra credit is supposed to be intellectually difficult – so I don’t want to give something even more difficult to do if someone cannot do the normal stuff.  And then it suddenly becomes my problem that I am not giving them extra credit.  Last year I broke down and I did give extra credit – out of 36 students, only 2 took advantage of it. So there goes that idea!

I am at a loss as to how to motivate my students to do better and show them that education is the only solution to all problems. It gives one a better life and a chance to succeed. If they are going to college, they must realize that aspect. Chemistry is a hard subject, no one takes it for fun, so one must be ready for the time they have to spend on it too. And I think that if you cannot handle the heat, get out of the fire. It’s possible that chemistry is not for everyone. But how do you say that to a student?

Every semester I go through the same emotions.Every semester I feel that the students should have the responsibility to take care of their education and the acceptance of whatever they get as a result of their work.

Sacrifice

Making sacrifice is not easy.

Sacrifice is defined as, "the act of giving up something that you want to keep especially in order to get or do something else or to help someone".

Giving up something or someone is not easy. Attachment, dependence and happiness - all have to be given up in order to make a sacrifice. Sacrifice is about love, friendship, duty and doing the right thing. Not everyone can do this. One has to be strong in order to do the right thing.

Most people will either not recognize the sacrifice at all or think other people's sacrifice is something that they had to do.

The person who makes the sacrifice - who gives something up - has the hardest of it all. They have to give up a lifestyle, they have to give up on love, they have to give up money, they have to give up relationships and so much more. And worst of all - they have to feel the sadness of that loss. They are the only ones who know that if they had not made the sacrifice for the other person, things would have been much harder for that other person. Meanwhile - the "other person" may be clueless....

Making sacrifice is not easy......sometimes one can see it in the kids - some kids give their things easily to others while others don't. Not all adults can make sacrifices. It is hard.....

I don't know if sacrifice is a character someone is born with or that they develop? Who knows? But definitely maturity and sacrifice go hand in hand.  When you are mature, you are able to make sound decisions and do the right thing (hopefully!).  One thinks that mothers will  always make sacrifice for their child - but that's not true; I have seen many selfish mothers!

No relationship guarantees sacrifice - you are lucky if someone makes sacrifice for you - it means you are loved by them.

Maturity-Responsibility

Hopefully, as we age, we mature, not just in our physical appearance but also in our grey matter (the brain!). Its very easy for adults to look at kids below 10 years of age and say - oh they are still kids - they are not matured yet. So there is something about adults that make them more mature than kids. Although, I will say I have seen some kids who are more mature than adults!! (Not because those adults are mentally challenged - or maybe they are!)

The first quality I want to discuss here is - responsibility.

First and foremost when you are mature you are able to take responsibility for your actions in all walks of life. First - YOU are responsible for YOURSELF and your actions, then you are also responsible for family, friends, coworkers etc.  You live in a house/apartment: how should you care for that dwelling? Is it maintained in a good living condition? Your own personal space - is it in order? Can you find something when you need it? Do you lose your stuff readily? etc.

What about family? You should know what your responsibilities are towards each member of your family (regardless of what your spouse or kids do). Are you able to care for them, or do you behave like a child and only take care of your own immediate needs? Can you look beyond yourself and take care of your family? Having a family does not just mean having a spouse and producing babies or just providing them shelter - its also about the emotion, the feeling, the love and caring that goes in it that makes a family a family. But for some it is just a responsibility and nothing of the emotional involvement. That is also not life...but that is another blog.

Although I don't think have friends is a sign of responsibility, it is a personality thing, but maintaining those friendships is certainly a responsibility. One should behave in a proper manner, and if you like the person then maintain those friendships. It takes a lot to maintain healthy relationships - no relationship should be taken for granted. That is a recipe for loss of relationship.

Your belongings - are they in good shape? Your vehicle - car, motorcycle, do you maintain it or bang it up in places? Your clothes say a lot about how you are as a person (sadly) - do you maintain your clothes? Are they clean? Are they torn? Do they look yours?

All the above are responsibilities of action. Then there is the emotional responsibility.

How well can you handle stress? Do you go into tantrums or lose your temper if things don't go your way. Do you have the emotional depth to understand the other person's situation? Do you look for retribution? Are you manipulative in behavior? This also means you lie or not tell the truth, to get your way.

Do you have the strength to say no where a no is necessary and the strength to do the right thing? Some people may have never experienced being told "NO" for something, so when they encounter it the first time, they don't know how to handle it. They have always gotten what they wanted.

These are also part of emotional quotient. I think we are born with some emotional quotient while some we develop as part of our life experience.

Many people will never even try to understand where the other person is coming from or their perspective; so they will never understand other's situation; and most don't care to know also. That invariably leads to one of the person's getting hurt. One does not have to like the other person, or do good for them, but the least they can do is not hurt them. Recognizing and doing the right thing is maturity.

And then there is the financial responsibility.

Hindu philosophy says that first 25 years are for education, the second 25 years for family life, next 25 years for spiritual awakening and the last 25 years to give up the worldly benefits.

So....this means, its okay to live with parents or depend on family early on, but after that you are supposed to be on your own - in fact you should be able to support your family also. One should not have to ask family or friends for money once their education is complete - that is what education is for - learn how to earn money on your own. There can be a whole other discussion of women being financially dependent on their husbands. This depends entirely on the relationship between husband and wife - I will not get into that now.

So... this is the first little installment of maturity as relating to responsibility....more will come.