Sometimes
I think that the world is collapsing around me. No one could have it tougher
than I have….what did I do in my life to deserve this? Is it ever going to get
better? Why me???
I
have been through this several times.
But then I have to make myself go on…there is no one else to help me out
and get through these times, so best to have some strategy that works out.
One
of my first instincts is to shut down. I
don’t want to talk to anyone. For about
a day or two I just think about the situation and feel bad or angry. I
masticate on it, sleep (or not), and just try all the solutions on my own. My next step is to talk to my good friends. I
have some really good ones who I can talk to about certain problems. Different friends
help out with different situations. Most
of my friends these days are from work and slowly we have become close. I have also learned over time that my friends
can help me only if I share my experiences with them – otherwise we will just
be superficial friends. So I do share
with them!
Talking
to my friends has always helped me. And of course we usually have friends who think
like us. But luckily my friends have not been afraid to speak their minds to me
and I have the comfort level to listen to their point of view. And no matter what they say I still have to decide
for myself. Although many times I have followed their advice and it has served
me well. As I have always said, I am blessed to have good friends in my life.
Once
I have talked to my friends then I take the necessary action to resolve my
issue. Usually by that time, I am on a
path to some action or in the process of letting it go.
There
have been situations where I am my only friend. I depend on myself to make the
right decision. It has been tough, but luckily I am not a hot head. I am not impulsive. I do have anger issues
but they are for sometimes really trivial things. Usually when something really bad happens to
me, I am very calm. Sadly. My anger is
quite passive aggressive – I will not talk for a while. I go into hiding. I
never have shouting matches. I hate shouting.
Although I have been told that my tone is bad – but it always depends on
who is listening.
And
generally somewhere between all this stuff, I think about all the people who
are going through so much hardship in their life. The refugees who have had to
leave their homes and now live in camps.
The veterans, who just serve their country but come back with not just
physical but mental injuries. So many of them have to restart their lives. All the women out there who don’t have even 5%
of what I have. I think about the people who lived a good life but due to
change in government were persecuted for their life style.
There
is too much grief in this world. Every
day I have to think about all that is good in my life and move from there.
There
will always be people who make will make me feel bad, little or meaningless,
but they don’t control me. I am responsible for my own actions, my own character. And eventually my own sanity.
