Having crossed the mid-point of my life there are a number of things I have taken stock of. Of course life does not end after mid-life – for some it becomes better. I don’t know what it is becoming for me….
I have always thought of myself as worldly, experienced, comfortable in dealing with diversity and most of all - fairly mature in my thinking. Through my years of education (through PhD) and now working for a number of years, I think I have seen and been through a lot things/events. My personal life has been always be series of turmoil. Just when I think I can breathe now, a storm comes and everything is back to chaos.
I want to believe there is higher power somewhere who is doing all this. I have always believed in destiny, because no matter how hard I try to prevent something from happening or want something to happen, it will not happen that way. For some reason, this higher power has decided that I don't ask for anything meaningful. Or that my life should go smoothly. Nope! All these ups and downs of my life are giving me nausea.
I also think there is a time and age for events to happen otherwise they don’t have the same meaning. Timing is everything in life. At this point in time in my life, I have to learn to accept a number of things that I have and somethings that I will never have. There are also human behavior that I have to come to terms with. So many people have come in my life and taught me so many different lessons; sadly most lessons are through negative experiences. My life has not gone in any way that I had thought it would go; nor do I have the relationships that most people have.
In one of the most positive events: I had never imagined I would ever own a house! Fifteen years ago I was happy to own a car, and now this house - MY house - who knew??
Through all the positive and negative events – I have come to accept that:
- People will lie – they will cheat. No matter which country I go to and however many new people I meet, there will always be liars in this world.
- People are selfish, they are all motivated by their own self-interest.
- I really cannot trust anyone. I have learned this the hard way. And I still keep learning this, because deep down I want to believe that people are good – but most times they just are not.
- No matter where I work I will always have a nemesis.
- I have always found one or two truly good friends wherever I have lived. They may not love me, but they will not do anything to hurt me either.
- The kindness of strangers is always there for me. I have found help in the darkest of my times from some really close friends and sometimes even strangers. I really feel these are angels sent just to help me.
- I will never know some relationships….the time has gone…
- Life will go on, no matter how I feel today. It is up to me to get up and get going. I am Arjun and I am Krishna – all in one.